Based on Avril Lavigne 2 for 2 record of marrying awful Canadian lead singers here are my predictions for Avril’s next Skater Boi.
- David Desrosier of Simple Plan (obvious match made in Warped Tour hell)
- Raine Maida of Our Lady of Peace
- Brad Roberts of Crash Test Dummies
- Ed Robertson of Barenaked Ladies
- KD Lang
As you may or may not have heard already, Avril Lavigne is engaged to Chad Kroeger (lead singer of Nickelback) because of course she is (/because ours is a cruel and vengeful God). Sorry if this news ruins your day. Take solace in the knowledge that this only means that no other poor souls will have to endure being married to either of these two…well at least for a while, but hey maybe these two crazy kids can make it in this crazy world [spoiler alert: they won’t].
The AV Club had some choice things to say on the matter:
[The two of them] finally discovered someone who would admit to loving Avril Lavigne and the guy from Nickelback—decided to wed after six months of knowing each other, putting approximately the same effort into courtship as they do composition.
Though a date has yet to be set, the bride and groom are no doubt already looking forward to taking a honeymoon from doing awful work and relaxing by looking over the photos from their wedding album, which is expected to be the first album by either of them to not be mercilessly drubbed by critics.
I’ll stop there so as not to quote the entire short article, but the whole thing is quite hilarious and worth a read. So look upon this union and despair as civilization has found the nadir of mediocrity.