Popsicle Robot Dinosaur
Here are some things I like.
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… Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which was seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.
“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”
Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.
Hilda looked at him expectantly.
“Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.
Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.Galloping abs.
Why did I think of Rachel when I read this?
Her snooch got all warm, too.
Her snooch got all warm, too.
Her snooch got all warm, too.
Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.”
oh my god ghjdsfhjdksahfkjdhfkjasdf
wow i want someone to write a book about me just like this one :-)
i can’t believe people get paid to write these sign me up
I just had a lung aneurysm
STOP EVERYTHING. This is a “Viking Time Travel” (its actual listed series) romance novel. From Booklist via amazon.com:
“Torolf Magnusson is determined to find and destroy Steinolf, a monster who is raping, torturing, and slaughtering his way across Norseland. The problem is, Torolf lives in the twenty-first century, and Steinolf is an eleven-century evildoer. But this doesn’t seem like an insurmountable problem to Torolf, who has time-traveled before. His U.S. Navy SEAL buddies insist on going along, although they think the entire time-travel ploy is a joke. Meanwhile, Hilda Berdottir has led a group of women who have been brutalized by Steinolf to a remote keep. Five years later, the women are longing for men, not to keep them safe, but to give them children. Enter the SEALS. While Torolf, who had known Hilda as a child, finds himself drawn to her, the SEALs train the women in the art of warfare and slowly begin to realize this isn’t a reenactment attraction for tourists, and that these women are really something. Exciting, unexpectedly erotic, and entertaining, Hill has added another winner to her series of fantastic tales of time-traveling Norsemen and the women bold and bawdy enough to love them.”
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You should see him at a regular-sized pool.
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File under: Things I didn’t know I loved before today
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C3-BertO & Ernie-D2 in Sesame Wars
(Illustration by Craig Mahoney)
Rather fitting I think.
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Do something terrible to Chris Brown!
-Download this page!-Print it! Color it! Mail it back!
Gladly.
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Googled bad taxidermy to cheer myself up
oh my god
heyyy gurl
waasshappening
that cat is higher than mt everest
best.
(Source: misterchekov)
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What a drag.
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Comedian Paid Skywriter to Write This in the Sky
Finally Kickstarter used for something everyone can agree on.
A walking, talking, socially maladjusted IMDB.
